honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
