Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
