Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
