the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
