I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
