Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
