Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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