Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
