Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
In America we eat man semen.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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