I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
