i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
