I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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