I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
