Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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