I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just found a bag of teeth...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
