I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
