my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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