Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
