hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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