What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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