He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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