I wish life had little blips of pornography
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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