I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
