So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
