Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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