Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
