i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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