I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
