No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
