Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
