why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Randomize
