I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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