At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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