he wants to bone in the snuggie
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Dignity is for republicans.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
