How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
