It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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