wat bout pragnant strippers??
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
