i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
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