I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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