Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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