If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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