If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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