sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
