My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
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Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
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It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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