The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
