take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
