I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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