Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
