8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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