I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize