i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
