please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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