Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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