So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
