Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
