He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
