Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
