He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
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I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
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Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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