Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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