PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
