dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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