i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
then he tried to convert me to islam
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
