I think scott just propositioned me for sex
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
