i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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