If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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