Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
