You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
