the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
