he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
