he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
