It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
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Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
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Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize