I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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