im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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