We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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