I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
