There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
