The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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