Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
