i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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